Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
