Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize