I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
