tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42†tv lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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