I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
