Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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