he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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