God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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