I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
