My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
