There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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