1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
