also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
