every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
