Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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