Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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