Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
