This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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