i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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