Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
