Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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