nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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