sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
