Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
