So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
