we'll go far in life on tits alone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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