once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
