Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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