He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
