If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
