My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
