ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
