Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
