WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
