I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
