yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
