We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They have beer where we have blood.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
