My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
