dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
