worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
