Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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