these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
