the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
