i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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