even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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