Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
