Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
