VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
