You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
