so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
