3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
