i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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