I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
