Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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