I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm both gender and math confused
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
