it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
