great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
