remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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