The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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