omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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