just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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