i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
