I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Semen is not good for contacts.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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