The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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