I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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