how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my shit smells like andre
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
