All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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