he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
